Tuesday, September 18, 2007

A Season for everything

I have been going through a lot of emotional ups and downs lately and I felt emotionally drain. I felt distant from the Lord and didn't have that joy I ususally have. I was questioning myself, I was unhappy with myself and I was asking where the Lord was. My usual spiritual high seemed faded.
I was desperatly longing for refreshment in my life. I was longing for adventure. I was longing for love. I was longing for someone to be close to. I was longing for a girl-friend to share life with.

Last week I was so deep in the valley of faith that it seemed like I couldn't see anymore. I felt surrounded by darkness.

And then sometimes we just have to hear things we actually know but it's just very necessary to hear them again. A friend said to me that there's a season for everything and that it is ok if I am in this season now. All I have to do is cling to the Lord. So true.
The only problem: Whenever I spent time with God I felt empty. I looked around me and saw my friends growing like crazy in faith and where was I?

Last Saturday I was all by myself the whole day. Had the house for myself. That was truly wonderful. So in the afternoon I sat down and just spent a lot of time in praise and worship. I talked with God and this is what I said: "Lord, I am not feeling anything right now and I cannot see you. I know you're there and you care. I want to use this time, this season now to grow, may it be in patience or trust. Maybe you're preparing something big for me and I want to be ready. So teach me to be patient. Teach me to trust you." So that's what I decided.
And guess what happened? No... no miracle where I was totally wohooo or anything. But! I felt steady again. I'm just waiting and trusting. This is the season to wait and trust and wait and trust. Listen to the Holy Spirit and walk and wait and trust. I want to be ready. I don't want to miss the "big" things he has in store for me.

Lord... I'm ready! Ready to be transformed from the inside out. I'm ready to follow. I'm ready to do anything!

Saturday, September 15, 2007


Here I am again with some thoughts. I confess I've been thinking a lot lately... or to be really honest I think all the time about all kinds of crazy things and sometimes that's just not the best thing to do but that's another topic that I'm not going to talk about right now.

Where do you see yourself in five years? Don't we hear that question every once in a while? But I'm serious. Where do I see myself? I've been thinking a lot about the past and things that have have happened and I've been thinking a lot about what's going on right now (- or lack there of) and then I've also been thinking a lot about my future. To be honest. There's not a whole lot that I see. Everything looks so blurry and foggy. I don't know where I'll be in the future, don't know what I'll do or who I'll be with (if anyone at all!). I know that I am open to do anything and live anywhere but I would just like to have a little glance...
As much as I love surprises and the unknown and as much as I love adventures, this time I would just love to get this little glance to have something to strive for. Something to look forward to.

God, is this on purpose? What are you trying to teach me and where do you want me to grow?


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