Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Quote of the Day

"Bad love letters beg for love back. Good love letters ask for nothing."  - Will Donner, Waiting for Forever



Friday, January 27, 2012

To be loved most ardently

Why is it that when we watch scenes like that that we feel this yearning inside? This desire?
I believe (and this goes especially for us girls) that we have the desire to be wanted, to be loved "most ardently". We want a man to look at us like he has not seen beauty like this before.

And to be honest, I believe it was meant to be that way. That when a man sees that woman. That woman he knows he is meant to be with he will not be able to take his eyes off of her. I'm thinking of the Garden of Eden. God created the perfect woman for Adam and brought her before him and in that very moment Adam knew. He knew she suited him, she was the one, the one he had been looking for before God put him to sleep.

Truth be told I am one of these girls who watch Pride & Prejudice and I have goose bumps most of the time. I sigh half of the movie and my heart beats faster especially when watching the scene shown above.
And I believe that is legitimate because it triggers that desire inside. That God given desire to be wanted. loved and be found lovely.

I am at a point in my life where I don't have a man looking at me like this. And that is ok because ultimately no man can fulfill that desire inside to the extent it needs to be fulfilled. Only God can do that. The way he sees me is lovely, beautiful, astonishing and He wants me more than anybody could ever want me. He loves me more than anybody could ever love me.

And His love is sufficient. It is all I need. It is fulfilling and I see my heart held in His hands.

Lord, I am yours. I love you more than life. You are all I want. You are all I need.



Thursday, January 26, 2012

Thursday Tunes

Today I want to share a beautiful song by sleeping at last with you. The lyrics strike me, especially the last part speaks very deeply into my heart.
The song is called Watermark:

You were carved out of the sea
Watermarked by your ancestry
In a tug of war between the tide and me
What felt like loss was a victory
Cause you were swept ashore like bottles holding prayers

You were carved out of the earth
Safe and sound in your second birth
Gravity has tied your ankle to the shore
As a lighthouse tamed the endless ocean war

Against the calming light our silhouettes are changing shape
The stories you've been told have made you brave

Such inheritance was formed within the sand
Like the shells you gather in the safety of your hands
Dive in with your eyes closed
For the life you were born to claim
And the water will be paralyzed
By the courage you contain
And the flutter of your earnest heart
It will fill the silent seas
And all will be restored in your memory



Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The process of growing wings

A choice is a choice. And one could think that everything changes with that choice. That once it is made you will be free of everything from before. But that is not the truth.
The truth is that a choice is a process. The process of changing. Your mind. Your emotions. Your soul. Your behaviour. And although the choice itself will free you and and will draw a line in the sand the process that follows is what is key.
It is working through the hard days when old paradigms try to get a hold of you. It is fighting your thoughts. It is constantly looking ahead and not looking back. Letting the past be the past and believing for a brighter future. It is trusting God. It is staying out of the boat. It is the in between of having leapt off the cliff and growing wings. It is the in between of jumping out of the boat and reaching the shore. It is patience and endurance and prayer and faith and building new things.
That is why a choice really forms us and shapes us to become different and if it is a choice lead by God it is a choice that in the end, when we have reached the land, built the wings will have a made us a better person and will have drawn us closer to God.
I want to make these kind of choices and I want to allow myself to go through the process. I want to allow God to build new things in my life and carry me through it all. I want Him to build the wings and set the sail and carry me to the land. Because only then it matters.



Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Quote of the Day

I found this today on Tulips and Lattes:

“That’s what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we’ve changed because of it, and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way is winning.”
—Richard Bach (The Bridge Across Forever: A True Love Story)



Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The First Page

Yesterday after a day full of work I sat in my living room, candles lit and tea at my side. And I started the first page of my new journal.
For me starting a new journal, filling the first page with ink is something almost sacred (and I don't mean that in a spiritual way). That first time my pen hits the pages full of expectations and hope and curiosity of what kind of stories and experiences and God encounters will fill this book.

Beth/Rest by Bon Iver on Grooveshark
I had this song on repeat and it got to me in that moment, it soothed my soul. At that moment, ink on paper, and music in my ear all I felt was happiness and bliss. Delight. The kind of delight that makes you cry. And I cried. Good, happy tears. Tears of relieve.



PS: you can listen to the whole Bon Iver album and other songs in my Current Soundtrack

picture via

Monday, January 16, 2012

Barren Trees

I spent this weekend at my grandmother's in Central Germany. It was good to be away from my normal life, from my routine from the things I usually see. It was good to spend the weekend with my grandmother. It was calm and it was quiet.
I went for a walk each morning in the fields behind her house. The crisp air in my face, the quiet land before me I took time to pray and think, to listen to the Holy Spirit speak to me.
I looked at the trees, studied how they grow. They were barren just as it is in the winter. In fact everything was barren before me.
And at that moment I loved it! For me seeing these trees was like seeing my own life. After an autumn full of change there is nothing left but the hope for new life, new growth and stronger branches in the coming spring.
I looked at the barren trees but all I saw were white blank pages.



Friday, January 13, 2012

Dreams | Visions | Goals

At the beginning of each year I sit down and write down things I want to accomplish in the coming 12 months. I like taking that time dreaming and setting goals. I must say though I am not a person for new year's resolutions. I rather live my life dreaming of things and making actual goals with timelimits to them. I want to accomplish things personally and spiritually.

Anyways, this year was indeed a little different and I was just closing the chapter and kept on rereading the last lines of this particular chapter I didn't even think as far as dreams or couldn't visualize myself in a new book and new chapter and new beginnings.
But this week marks the aftermath and prologue. It felt like I finally started to see a few things and by the middle of the week I started writing down things I would like to see happening this year. Then I wrote down dreams. Crazy dreams, funny dreams, serious dreams. And yet I want to dream so much bigger and wider and crazier. The kind of dreams I can only see happening if God is doing them through me.
And today I wrote down goals. Actual goals for this year.

I guess this prologue is coming to an end and I am soon starting to write new adventures.

So here's to that. To new dreams. New Visions and new goals. Here's to starting. Here's to building. Here's to creating. And most of all to new adventures!



Thursday, January 12, 2012

Perfect Love

There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! - 1 John 4:18 (Ampl.)

I had a lot of time to think over the holidays and I did use it. Everyday I would sit down and contemplate my life, the things that were going on, the choices I had to make. I spent as little time as possible on the computer, barely read any blogs and almost never was on facebook.
That was a good time. A time of refreshment. Yet also a time of figuring out the next steps. A decision making process. An in-between process brought to completion by the end of my vacation.

On New Year's Eve I received my letter from last year and sat down to read it. I was amazed by my words and the wishes I had made a year ago and seeing where I am right now. Never would I have expected to be at this place. And as I sat there, crying, I saw this poster on my friend's drawer with that simple verse from 1 John 4:18. It was all I needed in that moment.
And so I made this verse the verse for this year. Because I want to reach out for that perfect full-grown, complete love. Because living in love means living a life of faith because when you love you are not afraid because you can trust in the almighty God and that His work in my life will be amazing and He has amazing plans for my future.



PS: I know I look like I am 19 on that picture... but hey... I'll be thankful for that one day :-)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Turning to Page 29

It amazes me how I seem to have a song for each season in my life. How songs come back to me only to express and give words to the circumstances of my life. And I have already updated my Current Soundtrack, trying to piece together some music that has currently been playing on my CD player. I know I will change it up soon again as times are changing - as I am changing.
But today I want to share a song I have shared before and it came back to me again. It is the continuance of yesterday's post.
So turn up the volume and listen to the song while I post the lyrics:

Page 28 by Sleeping At Last on Grooveshark

Have you read the script?
Could you picture it?
...is it worth the risk?

Everything I love
Is on the line
On these neon signs

But I need to know - when you looked away
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I said?
Well okay, okay I need you more than I did before
Now that the concrete is nearly set

Here in the second act I'm living in repair
Strange how the heart adapts when its pieces disappear
And there on page 28 I'm so tired of drying glue
I begin my grand attempt at building something new

Though I tend to write
The epiphany more immediately
I guess I'm trusting that there's such a thing
As elegance in dissonance

God, I'm skeptical of pulling scenes
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I said?
Please don't get me wrong - I still need your help
As history repeats itself

Here in the aftermath I'm pulling at the seams
Strange how the heart adapts in the absence of routine
And there on page 29 I find "new" and make it mine
But I can't help casting shadows on all I leave behind

Maybe I could afford to change a bit
Even let go of the reigns?
Every torn out page was worth the risk
Now that the stakes have been raised

So here in the final draft
I've given all I have
Strange how the heart expands in the absence of a plan
There's nothing left on the page, but I'm ok with that
For I found my resolution
Was designed for stronger hands

Page 28, Sleeping at Last

So here I am looking at Page 29 without a plan or a draft. The only thing left is knowing that I have an amazing God with greater plans.



Monday, January 9, 2012

The Aftermath and the Prologue

Today marks the first day of a new beginning. A new chapter or even book altogether. In my case probably the second part to a movie.
But as in many books and movies there needs to be some sort of prologue, a statement throwing you right into what is happening. A good start that gets you right into the story so you don't get lost with characters or places or names.
And this is what this is. The aftermath of part one and the Prologue to part two. The in between of both.
Before me lies a white blank page ready to be filled with words and music and movement. To be filled with new adventures and changing the world. The pen is in my hand. All I have to do is start writing. Writing history.



picture via


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