I like being at the pool by myself surrounded by so many unknown people, just me and my book and Kinfolk magazine. I read, I slept, I swam, I breathed, I dived under and allowed the masses of water to close on top of me leaving me feeling weightless.
When I went home that night all I wanted to do was fire up the grill (aka plug in my electric grill) and prepare a nice dinner. Now, I know in these parts of the world grilling is such a communal thing to do and when I told people that I had my own solo barbecue I did receive a couple of strange looks. But in all honesty I loved it that way. It was a perfect summer evening (welcome solstice!) with a light breeze coming into the apartment, the air still warm and the streets quiet. I prepared a beautiful meal with grilled veggies and meat and cheese and freshly baked bread whilst listening to the Alabama Shakes. It was a perfect night and I would not have wanted to do it any other way.
It was then that I thought about how grateful I am about the fact that over the last year I have really learned to enjoy time by myself. I have always been good at it but it is different now. I am not one to advertise solitude and being alone in a way that promotes living like Into the Wild although this is one of my favorite movies. I rather thrive on the fact that every once in a while I get a day where I can be completely by myself and believe me it doesn't happen very often.
Over the last 9 months or so I have found such a new joy in preparing meals. I think it mostly comes from working with my hands - it has such a calming effect to me. It is in the preparation where my senses are stimulated and my thoughts can wander. It is seeing the result of something I made and it being a good result. And I want to be better at it, want to practice and perfect it now, find my favorite dishes for that day one day when I'll be married sharing dinners with my husband for I know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Yet for now I am here, living in this very moment, enjoying a restful day by myself and preparing dinner for one. And I believe that the very fact that I can be by myself, something I watch other people struggle with, helps me endure the wait and enjoy the single life.