Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Single and ready to Mingle

I took this picture last Saturday as we celebrated my brother in law's birthday. The brunch in the woods on this perfect fall morning was amazing. All my friends were there, there was a fire, food, friends (the perfect trio if you ask me) and babies everywhere. There was this moment when my sister took a picture of all the young dads with their kids. I stood and watched when a friend passed me and said, "that's the moment". He didn't mean the moment of a picture being taken but the moment you realize you are not part of that "club". You kind of stand on the outside looking in and wonder when that train passed and why you are not on it.
It is in those moments where it is so easy to fall into the pit of loneliness and I would be lying if I told you I never feel lonely or desire to be married. In all honesty this summer has been pretty tough on me when it comes to being single. But what I have found is the importance of spiritual nourishment. I mean sure I can throw myself a single party with Ben & Jerry's and a romance movie or listening to Bon Iver's "Can't make you love me" on repeat and I'm not saying this never happens or is completely wrong I would just like to point out the fact that it isn't very wise and doesn't give me a whole lot of perspective. So in those times I try to draw ever closer to God. I turn on worship music and just allow God to soothe my soul, to carry me through this.
If you were to ask me for THE key to staying a happy single when all of your friends are married with kids this would be it. To draw closer to God because ultimately - and this goes for anybody regardless of your relationship status - only God can fulfill and complete us not another person.
At the same time I believe we need to realize that our relationship status doesn't define who we are. We find our definition, our purpose in God and He has a unique plan for us and that means that our live happens NOW. Not when I'm married, not when I have children so stop postponing your life to better times. Live now, live your calling, go travel, see places, buy the house. And while you are living it God will be moving and putting things together and I don't just mean relationally but in general as we live in faith God is transforming us into the person we're intended to be.
And the best thing is you don't have to do it alone. Go invest into friendships, into people. Make that a priority in your life. Invite them to your place, fill your walls with good food and laughter and conversations where you open up your heart and you help each other draw closer to God. Because then these people also become accountability partners. We need people who we are accountable to because honestly we are not immune to temptation because we are not immune to our own desires and emotions. The question is what are we going to do about it. Can I just suggest you don't compromise your standards for what seems convenient or feels good?! I would rather stay single than make compromises. I'd rather wait for somebody who I can not only build a life with but build the church with, build people with and make a difference for eternity.
And for that we need to draw closer to God, be in His Word and surround ourselves with friends and mentors and people who we allow to speak into our lives.

That said I just want to encourage you. You are not alone. Look around you. See where God has already brought you and allow him to continue His good work in you. See what amazing people He has placed in your life.

Being single isn't a bad thing and it surely isn't a wrong thing. It is just the season you're in right now. And others are in other seasons of their life. And we all know every season has their purpose.



More posts on being single:

Why am I single?
To build a home
Lessons learned
Solo Valentine's

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