People who know me well know that I constantly have some sort of movie going on in my head. My life consists of stories. It consists of motion pictures and I have a very vivid memory.
It's raining outside and I'm dreaming of dancing in the rain with my future husband. It's sunny and I go biking, put on red lipstick and imagine riding into the sunset, being free like a bird. Or I see the wide open land and imagine picknicks with best friends.
I have been like this since I can remember.
I have always had the urge for something epic. Something beyond my wildest dreams.
And believe me. My dreams have always been big and wild and crazy - naive even.
I romantisize my life, dramatize it and and I am a complete optimist always hoping and waiting for that Happy Ending.
Then there came people into my life, the so called realists. They seem to see the world as it is. They don't believe in fairytales and even though they dream they stay so called realistic or with their feet on the ground. They don't believe in happy endings and seem to never be overly optimistic.
I've had them laugh at me, call me dumb - maybe not to my face but with their body language. They've told me I was naive and crazy to believe all I'm talking about. They try to crash your dreams and fantasies by telling you none of what you are talking about is going to work out and how unrealistic you are.
In the past this has been really hurtful for me. I couldn't deal with it and felt like people were not taking me seriously. But they didn't see the depth of my heart and my thoughts and had no right to judge.
I am 27 years old. I have had my fair share of disappointments, heartbreaks, unrequited love. I've been through all of it. Several times.
But, I have never given up on my dreams. I have always come out stronger than before. I have always decided to keep on dreaming. I have chosen to not let my heart be hardned through this.
I have chosen to live with a heart fully exposed, fully vulnerable and fully soft. Does that mean that I let everybody step on it and hurt me? Of course not. But I offer my heart freely. I offer my heart to be shared. I allow my heart to love again. Deeper and stronger than all the times before. I am not afraid to risk being hurt again. As a matter of fact that's what happens when you make yourself vulnerable. You get hurt. But I'd rather feel the pain than not feeling anything at all.
All this to say I will not give up on being a hopeless romantic dreaming of kissing in the rain and dancing in the kitchen. Because honestly I believe these dreams will come true. Yeah, life will be in the middle of it and I'm not there yet, but I will not give up on these dreams!
You may call me crazy, naive, a dreamer missing out on reality. Yet, I don't care. I live a life in which fairytales actually do happen.
pictures via 1 and 2