Friday, April 4, 2014

Why am I single?

Sometimes people come up to me and ask me why I am still single. I never quite know how to answer. Mostly because I don't know either. It is just a weird question but I try to take it as the compliment it is probably supposed to be.
Another thing various people have told me (or my mother!) is that maybe I am still single because I am too confident and too strong in my personality. Say what??? Those kind of remarks make me a little mad and very sad. Since when is being confident a bad character trait and not to be desired in a husband or wife? It does not make sense.
I admit I have a strong personality and I also admit that most of the time (not always) I am pretty confident. But these are things about me I would want my future husband to love about me.
Maybe what "they" mean is that it is harder for a man to approach or pursue me or any "strong" woman for that matter. Yet my attempt is to be approachable and open. I will be honest - that is something you can count on.

I think what it all comes down to is the whole subject of christian dating if there is such a thing. With so many rules and expectations, do's and dont's and a changing generation I am wondering if we are a) a little bit too religious about it and b) scaring everybody off.
It all has become so complicated that sometimes I think dating in the "world" is easier but I guess it often is just clearer.
I for one have decided to stop reading into everything and if somebody wants to have coffee with me that sometimes that really just means coffee: roasted beans, water... maybe cake.
I hope you are getting my point when I raise my voice and ask us all to just chill out about it all. If you like someone, spend time with them. Be clear. Be open. Be honest. Communicate, risk something, let them in, get to know them in a relaxed surrounding where you feel safe but where it also stretches you.
Yes I believe a man should pursue a woman but the whole who talked to whom first is just another way of making it complicated. Just be yourself and let the other person too.




  1. I was looking forward to this post! You are so right! Love you!

  2. I was waiting for someone to open up about this. Remember, the ego is fragile in ALL of us, but youthfulness may be more intimidated by a young woman that exudes confidence and knowledge and beauty all wrapped up in a single package...tread lightly as the senior population might advise...just sayin'

    1. Thank you for your words. I guess what you are saying is exactly what I am trying - to be approachable and to be inviting in a loving and caring way.

  3. Ramona,
    I love how your personality, your German culture, and your godliness all come through in this article! You are precious and I'm so thankful that you are trusting God for your future. Keep that strong personality - God will certainly use it!
    Love and miss you (and Germany!),
    Michelle (Burson) Tebbe ;o)
    P.S. It looks like we will be heading to Indonesia to work at an MK school there! Keep in touch!

    1. Michelle, so great to hear from you! Thank you for your words! How wonderful that you'll be heading to Indonesia. That is amazing! Love you too!!!

  4. A refreshing reminder, and addition to our ongoing dialogue on the subject


  5. Maybe you have to learn to be more "natural" i don't want to be mean, but some people saw you and feel that your acting not real enough .. Greets

    1. Hi there. Thank you for your honesty. I think you are pointing out 2 very important things here: 1. What is the definition of natural and 2. These people your are talking about saw me.
      As for the definition of natural I guess that is different for everybody. What is natural and how do you perceive it. Now I have heard things like this before and it was bothering me so I went to friends who are incredibly honest with me and asked them about this. Also I analyzed my own behaviour to the core to see if I am really acting in what you call "unnatural". One thing though you can count on with me is honesty and authenticity. What you see is what you get. I am different than other people and sometimes my behavior or extreme optimism or friendliness and openess come across "unnatural" because people are not used to it. But this is how I am, open, friendly, honest, a bit weird and crazy, extremely postive and optimistic.
      As for the whole point of the people "seeing me" well let me just say you cannot judge a book by its cover, can you. So in order to really define if I am real requires knowing me to a certain extend. On top of this I would like to encourage whoever feels I am not "real enough" to have a conversation with me before jumping to conclusions.
      Again, thank you for your honesty. There are things I am constantly working on, trying to be a better person, a transparent and open person and yeah we all have different things to work on, don't we.

  6. hey great and interesting text. interesting presentation. I would love love to know is, your freundinen are just like you? so they are still single or are you feeling so alone? And generally in your blog you write so much about friendship and friendships and I wanted to ask you if you have a best friend or merhere? And if this person is also single? I look to hear from you. Greetings

    1. Hi there whoever you are. Thank you for your words and questions. Well all of my closest friends who are girls are either married or in a relationship as of now. And I am genuinely happy for them. Seeing them happy, makes me happy. Yes there are sometimes days where I feel alone or even lonely but in general I try to remember how blessed I am and how much joy I have in this life right now!
      As for the friendship part. I have amazing friends for who I am extremely thankful. I wouldn't say I have one best friend but a handful of friends who are extremely close to my heart - like family. And most of them are married or in relationships, but that doesn't change the fact that they are my friends.
      I hope this ansered your questions. Greetings!


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