Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Like I said yesterday I feel as though I have to recapitulate my weekend bit by bit. It was an emotional one. Very emotional. In fact I even have cried myself to sleep on one of the nights and that for sure hasn't happened in a long time. I wasn't even sad in the meaning of sad. I am actually doing great. I love my life. I love how things are going at the moment. It was Friday night and things had just gone a little different and I was angry at myself for being a certain way and feeling a certain way.
Saturday came and as I was sitting at Leadership Summit (our monthly leaders gathering at church) I was just touched by God. The topic was How to be unstoppable and about God's calling and how we as leaders have to respond to critizism for example or how growth is healthy. And it's not like I hadn't heard these things before, but this time they went right in and I had to ask myself a couple of questions regarding my leadership and how I respond and how I handle people or critizism.

The question at the end was what is holding me back. to become what God wants me to be. See, all I want is to please God and become the woman He intended me to be to reach a lost and broken world. He has given me giftings and equipped me with talents and I want to use them for Him. Use them for His purpose. Fear paralyzes our potential. I don't want to be afraid. Yes, some things that God has given me are way too big for me but I can trust God that He'll do it through me. The ministries and things I do are not about myself but for His glory and in order to make Him famous in and through people's lives.

At the end we all had to write down things we are afraid of when it comes to our ministry and then we shredded these papers as a symbol to let all fear go. I let go. No more fear.

The reason I had been angry crying myself to sleep the night before was because I had put too much focus on my life rather than looking outwards at the bigger picture. The bigger picture is God's plan for my life and although sometimes I will not understand some of the things happening I know what my calling is. The ultimate calling for all our lives is to make Jesus known where ever we go.



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